Igniting the Lakers Dumpster Fire!

Brace yourselves Lakers fan because Jeanie Buss is still capable of more incendiary moves to add fuel to Lakers’ dumpster fire

Just when you were sure things could not get any worse after Jeanie Buss invoked the Ghost of Kobe Bryant and turned the future of the franchise over to Rob Pelinka, word is she’s not done adding fuel to the Lakers dumpster fire.

What could be next on Jeanie’s agenda to destroy what little remains of the once storied sports franchise her father built? Rather than seeking counsel and advice from proven, experienced basketball minds outside of her own circle, Jeanie has instead opted to ignore the unbelievable opportunity before her to transform the Lakers into a respected professional organization and listen to the self-serving voices of the past to keep power within the family.

You don’t have to look to deeply to see what’s likely coming. Rob Pelinka, the godfather of Kobe Bryant’s daughter Gianna has already solidified his role as the Lakers’ general manager of the future, which means there’s only one person in the world remaining as a viable candidate to become the Lakers’ next president of basketball operations: the legendary Black Mamba himself. Expect official word this week that Kobe Bryant will replace Magic Johnson.

The return of Kobe Bryant will have dire consequences for the Lakers’ future. Instead of embracing analytics and the rising value of the three-point shot, the Kobe Bryant era will see the Lakers even more determined to recreate the past glories of the franchise. Rather looking to sign free agent superstars and role players who thieve in taking and making threes, the Lakers will continue to chase big names whose resumes reflect a preference for midrange jumpers.

Kawhi Leonard and Jimmy Butler will be Kobe’s primary free agent targets. Rather than surrounding LeBron with elite three-point shooters, the Lakers will pursue building a team that plays the game the way Kobe’s Lakers did. The focus will be on tough defense and clutch scorers who can dominate in crunch time. The rise of analytics and the importance of the three-point shot will become more fodder to throw into the Lakers’ raging Bonfire of Vanities.

As for the Lakers’ new head coach, the name that immediately jumps to the very top of the list with Kobe Bryant as president of basketball operations is the esteemed Phil Jackson, likely with Kurt Rambis, the husband of Jeanie Buss’ official Lakers’ whisperer Linda Rambis, as Lakers’ associate head coach. Forget the dismal failures of Phil and Luke with the Knicks and Magic’s vision of recreating Showtime. Jeanie’s grand plan is to bring back the Triangle.

Building a dynamic coaching staff under Phil and Kurt should be very easy. Look for Byron Scott, James Worthy, and Derek Fisher to return to the Lakers as assistant coaches. Michael Cooper will be in as the defensive coordinator. Instead of the requirement that Lakers assistant coaches be alumni of the University of Arizona, the new requirement will be that they be former Lakers stars and legendary members of former a Lakers’ NBA championship team.

Finally, Jeanie will be faced with the tough decision as to what to do with LeBron James, who may not be all in on her vision of a new Kobe Bryant era. Expect an announcement from LeBron’s favorite reporter and leaker Brian Windhorst that James and the Lakers have mutually agreed to seek a trade of the King back to a team in the Eastern Conference. Rumors already have surfaced of a possible 3-team swap between the Lakers, Pelicans, and Celtics.

Trading LeBron not only eliminates the conflict between this generational GOAT’s but also makes the Lakers a better fit for free agent superstars like Kawhi Leonard or even Kevin Durant, who would chafe at playing second fiddle to the King and could replace James as the face of the franchise. With three years left on his contract, LeBron could be a great fit on the Celtics with Anthony Davis and the Lakers could reap a bevy of young stars and picks.

While some Lakers fans might revolt at the prospect of this dumpster fire strategy, Jeanie knows there are enough Black Mamba diehards and Lakers’ exceptionalism fans who would love to see a return to the glory days. And while some Lakers fans might view this as the ultimate dumpster fire, there would be other old school fans who still long for a return to better days and would gleefully don purple and gold ‘Making Lakers Great Again’ caps.